Around 3 a.m. yesterday morning, God allowed my imagination to spin off onto
what heaven would be like (after reading the Awesome book of Isaiah). He
allowed me to better grasp how truly undeserving I am of such a great and
promised hope. With this thought, He reminded me how short each of our time
here is on earth. Even for someone like me, who is 27 and is considered ‘young’
by most, I have no idea when my purpose here on earth is up. Most of us tend to
‘naturally’ think that we have many years ahead of us, but a lot of times, it
isn’t until we experience a close friend or family member pass away that God
opens our eyes to the realization of how true His statement is in James 4:14 is
that says, “Life is like a morning fog. It’s here and then it’s gone.” He uses
that verse to remind us to not make plans or promises (Proverbs 16:1; 16:9),
for the reason that we might not be able to live up to them, as only He alone
knows our future, for He says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was
recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had
passed” Psalm139:16.
With this thought, He also allowed me to ponder on what it will be
like when He comes back, as He says He is going to come back not for peace, but
for justice (Luke18:8). He will not be coming to take sides, but to reward each
person for what they have done (Matt. 16:27). I marvel at that thought and
although I am personally eagerly very ready, He allowed me to think of many friends
and people all over the world who are
not ready and it will catch them
by a very unpleasant surprise.
Some reading this may know that you are saved…with confidence. However,
there may also be some that read this and realize that they are in need of a
Savior– someone who has the power to
truly save. Many people think that
if they ‘believe in Jesus’ then they will be saved –which is true; however, it
is vital to understand the word ‘believe’. We can have the head knowledge in
believing that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth for 33 years, and
died and rose again for the sinner to be made right with God; yet, even the demons believe that (James 2:19).
Romans 10:9-10 says, “If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and
believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
For
it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your
mouth that you confess and are saved.” The *heart*
has to be involved...which is prepared by God. It
begins with the mind, as we must hear
the truth to know the truth and it is
the truth in which will set us free...but it is with our hearts that we respond
to that truth and in which God is able to grow and refine us into the person He
has called us to uniquely be in Christ. Once a person experiences
God in their heart, there will be a yearning-passionate desire to learn
more about Him, to be more like Him, and follow His way of living...as once
discovering Jesus, it is very clear that He lived and walked with great compassion, wisdom,
and love.
If you are reading this and have ever been in love, you will be able to
understand what falling (and being) in love is like. If you haven’t been in love before, I can most
likely guarantee that there is...or has been at some point in your life...a
strong desire to be loved and/or give love in return, which will give you the
understanding of how love can so crazily affect the soul.
Love changes the inner most being of a person...even a person who has the
coldest, most selfish, and hardest of hearts. Once this change occurs, there is
typically a strong desire to shift the focus from self onto the loved person -
this new desire even has the tendency to literally consume one's mind. It
is not unusual for there to be an urge to spend as much time with other as possible in order to learn about what
makes the other ‘click’. A desire to know about the other person’s life to the
most fullest detail is also not uncommon, and if someone came to you and said
that they didn’t think you should be with that person, you would be able to
quickly list off a Gazillion reasons why you Should be with that person, and
no one would have the power or ability
to change your mind. That’s what it's like having an intimate relationship
with Jesus.
We all want to be loved – truly loved - (or at least at
some points in our lives we have had that desire...until rejection,
hurt, and broken-heartedness begins to numb that God-given desire) and we have
a tendency to have an underneath desire to ‘fit in’ somewhere. In fact, people will
go to desperate measures to simply feel wanted, respected, valued, appreciated
and loved. Some join in gangs…regardless the cost… just so they can feel
needed, have companionship/family, and respect. Some use drugs and alcohol
to help their minds escape to a place other than the broken world that they are
striving to live in. Some give away their bodies to sex with many different people
just for the short/temporary time of feeling like they are wanted...or able to
be in control...,regardless of how it makes them feel afterwards. Others may
stay in unhealthy and abusive relationships because at least Someone cares
about them enough to be with them…even if they feel like worthless garbage
while in the relationship… just as long as
someone is willing to stay
with them, then maybe, just Maybe, they, or their abuser, can change – as after
all, the few ‘good’ moments of the relationship are worth clinging to as they
shine a ray of hope! … :-(
These are just a Few of
Many
examples of how us humans will do just about anything to experience love and
fulfillment. The thing that many don’t understand (I used to be one of those
many!) is that God sent
Jesus Christ to be our *Ultimate* fulfillment.
This means that what He has to offer Far exceeds what any temporary fulfillment
given by this life can provide. This life is not going to be easy...nor did
Jesus promise us that it would be - especially if we look at
His life as an example! It is extremely
challenging, and a
constant spiritual
battle at work within us. However, even amongst the chaos of things, having a
relationship with Jesus brings so much peace to us, as we know that He is
praying to God the Father on
our behalf
(John 17:20) and He promises to make all
things
good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans
8:28) - for He has a time, season, and reason for everything under heaven
(Ecclesiastes 3:1).
God has freed me from several different areas in my life where I attempted to rely on other things than Him to satisfy me. I relied
on them to the point where I made them my god--not knowing the One True God. The Lord
also gave me the grace to believe how beautiful I actually am - as He told me
that He made each of us in His image (Genesis 1:27) - knitting and weaving each
of us so delicately while we were in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13-15).
Before knowing this, however, I believed that the only way I could be even
remotely pretty (beautiful was not in my vocabulary for myself) was to be
skinny. This distorted belief allowed me to endure the road of anorexia, which ended up causing long-time major physical implications (and once I began eating years later, the food that was able to stay in me stuck like Glue and I gained a significant amount of weight in a short amount of time). I allowed a man...another
mere human...to tell me what I was worth as I took to heart his opinion of ‘who
I was’ – which was the
complete opposite of who God said I was, but
without knowing how God seen me, the distorted beliefs that engulfed my mind
let me to great destruction. I experienced many years of severe depression
(much of it stemmed from environment), wondering what the purpose was in living in an
extremely broken world surrounded by people everywhere that were consumed in
horrible situations just like me. It seemed like everywhere I went to try to
find answers, unchanging hope, and purpose, people would point me to groups of
others that were feeling alone and hopeless as well, in hopes of allowing me to
not feel so alone. That may have been beneficial to some, but I personally felt even
more alone because I
realized that each person’s life and ‘shoes’ are very different and
regardless of how similar one's emotions may be to another's, each person is
made/'wired' so differently. I desperately needed Someone to understand
Everything I had encountered…from the moment I was born, all the
way up...but I didn’t believe there was anyone who could ever fulfill that need so in turn, I was left feeling 100% alone and misunderstood. I
had no idea
that God saw me before I
was even born and had
every moment of
my life laid before Him as He had already recorded every single day of my life
for His divine purpose (Psalm 139:16). - What amazing truth!
I had started seeing counselors at the age of 5, but that consisted of a
casual talking session that allowed me to evaluate the horrible situation I was
in (which at that age I had no control over) and I cried more when I walked
out of the appointment than when I first walked in. Once a late teenager, my
main thought process was how I was going to get out of this world without
making myself have to suffer more in the process of ‘getting out’. That led me
to spending great lengths of time in mental hospitals where I experienced
programs such as ‘psycho drama’ (just one of many) which allowed me to re-live traumatic
experiences I had been through in purpose of teaching me how to properly handle
the experiences better…or in a more healthy way at least… in order to ‘heal.’ I went to
numerous classes, took Numerous anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, and
anti-anxiety medications trying to find the 'right' one that didn't make me
worse than I already was and one that wasn't temporary and filled me with the
hope I longed for.
After many years of seeking hope that seemed no where to be found, my moods
and feelings of hopelessness became worse (which, by the way,
Can happen! ;-) When people say things
can't get worse and can only go up from here...it's not true! Satan's goal is
to keep making things worse until we actually take our own lives, and then he wins the
battle...(yes, this is a very real spiritual battle). The programs that I was
apart of in the mental hospitals were designed to help depressed people get
back on a schedule rather than secluding themselves in sleep or unhealthy
activities. In the art classes, for example, the instructor would take us
outside and tell us to focus on the ‘outside beauty’, but when wanting to leave
this life so badly, focusing on outside 'beauty’ just reminded me more of what
I wanted so desperately to leave! I was not able to see 'beauty' - all I was
able to see was ugliness...things that reminded me of past memories in which I
so desperately wanted to forget. I had a chiropractor once who told me that the
answer to my hopelessness could be found in exercising more and getting
sunshine. Exercising and sunshine may indeed be good things, but I promise you they do
not have the power to heal someone's soul that was as depressed and battered as mine.
I had psychiatrists who assured me that once I found the ‘right’ pill that I
would be made new and would be happy and fully functional for the rest of my life.
My mom’s heart broke for the way I felt day in and day out, (she understood depression quite well herself) so in her
convinced belief that I was hopeless and beyond repair, she planned my burial
site while waiting for an officer to call her telling her that I finally was
able to kill myself...which she admitted would have been an honest relief for her, because she hated seeing me hurt and hopeless for so long. She, along with most others in my journey, believed I
was beyond help and
suicide was simply the best option. In the meantime, however, she bought a $600
DVD program as a last resort option that promised to help depressed people discover lasting happiness and hope,
but I finished the program feeling
more hopeless as I had sought
all the things that people said would give me hope, yet nothing did. I refused
to hear or accept anymore
sugar-coated nonsense – I had enough of that since I was 5. I needed something
Real. There were Christians that came into my life that said they would pray for me, but
what did that mean to me? …Nothing. I could now ask Why they didn’t share the
priceless treasure and hope that God shared with them through the Bible, but
I now fully understand that it was all apart of His great plan.
He knew Exactly what I needed...and didn’t need...and when, in order to experience His
love, grace, mercy, and rich forgiveness *as much as possible* at Just the right time.
Luke 7:47 says, “I tell you, her sins - and they are many - have been
forgiven, so she has shown Me much love. But a person who is forgiven little
shows only little love.” Jesus knew how stubborn and hard my heart had become.
He knew that if He would have revealed His truth to me at an earlier time than
when He did on the night of February 10, 2007, that I would not have been as
grateful … which means I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience His amazing
grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness in the way I did – in a way that would
passionate me enough to really grow with Him intimately and give me a burning
desire to make Him known to others. So many others have come to know His love for them due to the way He expressed His love to me. What a wonderful blessing that is to experience!
Scripture tells us that our time here on earth is short (James 4:14) and if we have the
knowledge that He is calling us to Him, we are to open the door to Him
and respond to His call (Revelation 3:20). God is reaching out to each of us, and He allows us to
know this by allowing specific people and things in our path. Nothing is a
coincidence. If you are driving and see a sign that says, “Jesus loves
you”…know that Jesus allowed you to be on that road at that specific time and He desires for you to know that He loves you and is calling you to seek and know Him. If you are
reading this right now it is because God drew you to do so ;-)
I knew nothing about God, nor did I care to know about Him after experiencing
many years of such hardship...much of it quite traumatic. From my human and limited
understanding, I could not grasp why a supposedly ‘good’ God would allow such things to
happen to me; let alone why He would allow bad things to happen to everyone
(and thing) else in the world as well!! The reason I could not grasp this was because
I did not have a Clue who this God really was...though as of now, the more I
learn about Him, the more I realize how very Little I actually know about Him -
but I know He Is Love, mysterious, jealous for each of us, and is a God who is to
be reverenced and worshiped because He is worthy of All praise. However, it is incredible how He chooses to reveal
Himself to us piece by piece in such a way that allows us to go ‘awe!, I see
now!’...though what we 'see' is only a Piece to all He truly is and has in store for
us to see as His children. I also had no idea that just as there was a God who
loved me, there was also an enemy whose literal
mission was to get me confused about
the truth of God, and keep me away from knowing His great love and intense passion for me (John 10:10). 1 Peter 5:8 says that our enemy, the devil (and this isn’t
a guy in a red outfit with a pitchfork who comes out on Halloween!), roams
around like a roaring lion, seeking someone he can devour. I knew that my
situation may have not been near as bad as someone else’s… as I was reminded of
that constantly growing up, but that didn’t help
my situation! People told me to just
‘get over it’ and ‘move on’…or another famous one was, ‘time heals all wounds…just
give it time,’ but I will be the first to say that All of that is true hogwash. I
discovered that many people just simply don’t know what
to say and they say things like
this out of good intent to encourage and bring ‘hope’ without realizing the hurt that simple words such as that can stir within a lost
and broken individual. With this said, I too, am still learning these things myself when
speaking with others going through their own situations in which satan is
attempting to do whatever he can to take them out and desires to use 'us' as his tools. We are all human, we All
fail and make mistakes - only God alone is truly good (Mark 10:18) and it's important to extend mercy just as much as we desire to receive mercy. After all...God, in His great grace has given each of us Far greater mercy than we could EvEr come close to deserving!...Thank God for Jesus Christ!
I have no desire to give endless amounts of ‘hope’ that will only get you
(the reader of this) feeling worse. My desire and great passion is to share
only Truth for whomever God may be drawing near to Him at this current time.
This is not about my desire to be ‘right’ or my mere opinion of what ‘I’ think
is to be true – it’s about sharing the Word of God –Truth that gives peace, freedom, and unchanging joy (regardless of circumstance) in a way that I personally had never even dreamed before coming to know Christ for myself. This truth will set the captive free in ways never imagined
possible…and not by one's own power to where someone would be able to boast about how he/she did it (refer to Ephesians 2:9). It is through the power of the Holy
Spirit that enables us to know that *God* alone did this great work through the finished
work of Jesus Christ. This is grace.
No matter how much love (or hurt!) you may have experienced from another human…the love
of Christ is incomparable. I want
all to know what
True love
Really is and consists of and to know each day how greatly valued, prized, and
cherished each individual is…not by the standards, opinions, and judgments of
the world, but by the One who created and formed each person...so that we may
all know His jealous love that is entangled within such great mercy, grace, and power. I want all to know that
everything each person
has gone through, and will go through…good
and bad…has already been seen
by God (refer to Psalm 139:16). Forgiveness, as well as eternal rewards and blessing are all waiting
for those who humble themselves at the beautiful feet of Jesus, finding
promised hope through what He did on the cross. I want the outcasted, the ‘lost causes’, the
misunderstood, and the rejected to know that no matter how many names they have
been called, how much they have been ignored and pushed away, and how worthless
of a state they and others may see themselves to be in, God sent Jesus Christ
to die for
them in order that they
may be saved and given a
new life filled
with constant acceptance by The King. Jesus did not come to help the ones who
don't believe they need help and are already ‘good enough’; He came to help the
ones who realize they need rescued by the Ultimate Savior and who want a
relationship based on genuine and unfailing love that nothing or no one in this
world can ever fully provide (refer to Luke 5:32).
Without Christ I am
worthless. Regardless of the struggles of this broken
world, I know without doubt that God has me here (along with All of us) for His
divine purpose (refer to Galatians 2:20 and Ephesians 2:10). I no longer have to fight for myself, or for what I have been
through or the current trials I am going to go through, for I know that He is my righteousness, defender, and advocate. I know
He is
always with me (refer to Joshua 1:9), even in the times when I don’t want to be with
myself! He is the God who provides (refer to Philippians 4:19)...in fact, one of His very names is Jehovah Jireh (the Lord our Provider) (Genesis 22:14) - and He provides in ways that bring me to
my knees out of awe
many times. He is the Only one who can give a person inner peace which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7)...amongst all the worldly chaos...that doesn’t fade and helps one to endure with an
eternal message of hope and purpose. All He wants is for us to seek Him, for He
tells us that if we seek Him, we
will find
Him (Jeremiah 29:13). Once we find Him, He wants us to respond to His call by
giving Him our hearts that He has already begun to prepare for a relationship
with Him. This requires faith…but even that He gives us by His grace (Romans 12:3). From that
point, as we continue to seek Him, He will continue to refine us for the remainder of our time here on earth (refer to Isaiah 48:10/Psalm 66:10) - He never gives
up on us (refer to Romans 8:37-39) and He...as the jealous God He is for us (refer to Exodus 34:14)...never wants us to give up
on Him either.
If you read this and are thinking you would love to have a
relationship with Him but you have no desire in giving up things that you are currently relying on to help you survive, no worries. Don't be so hard on yourself. You should not stop doing anything simply
based on what another person says or believes...or even because it may
seem
like the ‘thing’ to do! After you experience the amazing encounter of Jesus within
your heart, He will…by your allowance…continue to lead and refine you...with
ease (by His grace) at the pace He knows is right for you in accordance to how He has 'built' you. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. Reading the Bible is
a *Vital* key to growing in a relationship with Him. It may seem intimidating at first, but that's just satan's attempt at making you want to resist reading
the most amazing, transforming, life-instruction manual/book of Love that's on this earth. If you have attempted to read it in the past and don't want to open it again because you couldn't understand it, I strongly encourage you to first, pray for the Holy Spirit to give you understanding and to open your heart to what God is wanting you to hear, and Then begin reading it. Don't let your feelings of doubt defeat you from knowing truth that can set you free. God will help you in a way
that you cannot even imagine/grasp...He just asks you to to seek Him and by
faith, believe what He has to say. Within time, you will begin to see the
chains in which are currently holding you down, start to break free...this is a lifelong process but such an incredible (and humbling!) thing to have the opportunity to experience ;-) 2 Corinthians 3:18 in the Message says, “Our
lives
gradually become brighter and more beautiful as Christ enters our
lives and we become like Him.” It’s a process, but one that is so amazing that I simply cannot (and don't want to!) keep it to myself.
For the people reading this who think they know Jesus, and Think they are
saved…I have one thought I encourage you to ponder on that I personally ponder
on often as well. When your time here on earth is up and you see Him face to
face, will you stand before Jesus knowing that He was really your Lord on earth? Or, is
there a possibility that He may say, “I’m sorry. I don’t even know you”? Here’s
a couple of verses to ponder on… Luke 13:22-30 states, “Jesus went through the
towns and villages, teaching as He went, always pressing on towards Jerusalem. Someone asked
Him, "Lord, will only a few be saved?" He said, "Work hard to
enter the narrow door to God’s Kingdom, for many will try to enter but will
fail. A lot of you are going to assume that you'll sit down to God's salvation
banquet just because you've been hanging around the neighborhood all your
lives. Well, one day you're going to be banging on the door, wanting to get in,
but you'll find the door locked and the Master saying, 'Sorry, you're not on my
guest list.' "You'll protest, 'But we've known you all our lives!' only to
be interrupted with his abrupt, 'Your kind of knowing can hardly be called
knowing. You don't know the first thing about Me'” (NLT and Message Version).
Matthew 7:21-23 (NLT and MSG version) also says, "Not everyone who
calls out to Me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Only those who actually do the will of My Father in heaven will enter. On
judgment day many will say to Me, ‘'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed
the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know
what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make
yourselves
important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'”
That's heavy stuff, but it's definitely something I personally like to keep at the forefront of my mind on a daily basis while walking in His grace.
If anyone reading this has Any questions (or personal thoughts to share), Please do not hesitate to write me. I
am open and willing to respond, but again, I will be the first to say that I am a mere-flawed human who is
also just simply on this life in Christ journey. I do not know all the answers (nor do I even have Many answers). In fact, the more I read the Bible and get to know God,
the more questions are raise within myself as I realize how mysterious He is and His
thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). Each
day is a growing point, and I encourage all who read this to remember that if
I, or someone else, lets you down in some way, please keep in mind that man
Will let man
down because we are all flawed. Also, since I am growing along with everyone
else in Christ, it is Crucial to compare everything that is said to the Bible - the
true authoritative and unchanging source. God will continue to refine and grow my
understanding (in His time) and that's why it is important to always compare
what I, or anyone else, says to Scripture. Christ will *never* change and He
will never let us down or disappoint us. The worst thing a person could do is
stop seeking Christ because of something another Christian did or said. When we
stand before Christ, it is going to be ourselves and Him– we will have to give
account for our own self...we will not be able to blame other Christians for
our own disbelief or actions, for Scripture gives us all we need to know the
truth of God (refer to 2 Peter 1:3).
Colossians 2:3 says that “In Him (Christ) lie hidden *all* the treasures of
wisdom and knowledge.” If you are reading this and do not have a Bible translation that you
can understand, or if you don’t have a Bible at all, please let me know and I would
love to mail you one immediately at God’s allowance. Some people have been embarrassed
by this... but there is absolutely
nothing to be embarrassed about! God blesses the humble!, and beyond that, it all comes back to Ecclesiastes 3:1 which reminds us what I had mentioned previously in this blog... "To everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." I began to
read the Bible when I was 23 years old, but I know some that were not led to start reading it until they were very old in age. The age doesn't matter... If God is calling you at *this* very
moment, embrace the call with joy and thankfulness. If you want me to pray for
you, it would be an honor for me to do that as well!
